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Wife carrying competition

It may seem like a joke, but wife carrying competition is a serious tradition in Finland. The practice comes from an early tribal practice of wife stealing. Sacks of rye have been swapped with wives, as the relay race is modeled after the work of 1800’s bandit leader Ronkainen, who screened wannabe robbers by testing how they faired racing with sacks.

The tradition has gone global. Couples from 14 countries, including the US, Britain, China, Australia, Canada, Ireland, Israel, and Kenya, competed in this weekend’s Wife Carrying World Championships. A husband from Estonia won the big prize — his wife’s weight in beer!

Source:  http://www.tressugar.com/Finnish-Culture-101-Traditional-Wife-Carrying-1761542

To see video of the competition,

Read more via: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wife_carrying

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Filed under: Jokes & Humor, Sorsogon News Updates, Sports

SMART KID

Just wanna share with u guys..a joke that I received thru email today. titled  “SMART KID”

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Cruz was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy, what is your problem?”

Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms. Cruz had enough. She took Boy to the principal’s office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Cruz he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Cruz and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms. Cruz says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms. Cruz asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms. Cruz: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms. Cruz: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms. Cruz: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms. Cruz: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms. Cruz: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms. Cruz: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms. Cruz: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms. Cruz: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms. Cruz: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms. Cruz: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot
of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms. Cruz: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Ms. Cruz: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms. Cruz: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy to the University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

Tawanan muna tayo

 May nagpapa-translate sa akin ng signage sa tagalog: “Emergency Exit”
ang sabi ko, “MADALING LABASAN…? Tama ba? Parang bastos ata.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
 Lalake: Pag tayo na, magkasama na nating haharapin ang mga problema.
 Babae: Pero wala naman akong problema..
 Lalake: Kasi nga, hindi pa tayo. Wag ka excited!!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!
Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.
Mr. (tumawa) ok lang. Wala akong kasama.
Mrs: Ako, meron!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Tip for a long life:
Wag mo isusulat name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay. Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nagkakaron ng raffle kung sinong susunod….
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Guro: Pedro late kana naman.
Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko.
Guro: Problema ba yun. E di i-advance mo.
Pedro: Sige po.
Guro: Oh, saan ka pupunta?
Boy: uwian na!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Mrs: Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka!
Mr: Anong ABS?
Mrs: Alak, Babae, Sugal!!
Mr: Eh ikaw CBN!
Mrs: CBN?
Mr: Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging:
Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre?
Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Bakit binaril ng bobo ang girlfriend nya?
Kasi sinubukan nya kung totoong FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin nyo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya!
Drayber: E, kaya ko nga binibilisan para di tayo abutan!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Kasal…
Pari: Ikaw lalaki, tinatanggap mo bang maging kabiyak ang taong ito habambuhay?
Lalaki: Opo, Father!
Pari: At ikaw naman malanding pokpok kang bakla ka mukha kang kabayo, ‘akala mo siguro ang ganda mo sa gown mo,‘ano? Tinatangap mo ba ang lalaking ito na hindi ka magsisisi kahit magkabaon-baon ka sa utang sa pagsustento sa kanya?
Bakla: Father, sabihin nyo lang kung tutol kayo sa kasal na ito kesa naman tumalak ka diyan, naka mic ka pa naman.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
(sa isang turo-turo):
Customer: Manang, meh langaw sa arrozcaldo ko!
Tindera: Hello! Sa halagang P5.00 anong ini-expect mo….manok?
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— – ——-
PO 1: Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir!
SUPT: Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K-10, hindi na sila aso
PO 1: Ano na sila sir?
SUPT: maliit na pusa…
 ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno.
Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na ang bahala sa impierno.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Isang ina ang nagsilang ng napakapangit na sanggol.
Ama: Isa syang kayamanan.
Ina: Oo, nga! Ibaon natin!……
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
A husband asked his wife, “What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body?
The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor”.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Russian: Sir, we got huge order from USA for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embarrass us.
Putin: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
A guy picks up a girl for a date.
“Why are you wearing your belt around your knee?
Girl: I promised mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my belt….

Filed under: Jokes & Humor

Man O Man, Your Thoughts

When without money, keep pigs;
When have money, keep dogs.

When without money, eat at home with wife;
When have money, dine in fine restaurant.

When without money, ride bicycle;When have money, ride exercise machine.

When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.

When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes “wife”.

When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.

Man, O Man, never tells the truth:

Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.

Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but refused to go.

In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn.

In the rural area, chicken calls man awake;
In the cities, man calls for “chickens” cum pros…….

In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
Now, actresses will sell their bodies to get famous

What is life about?

1 At one, YOU are the top priority

10 At ten, academic excellence is the top priority

20At twenty, getting laid is the top priority

30 At thirty, a good career is top priority

40At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority

50 At fi! fty, bea ting others at mahjong is top priority

60 At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority

70At seventy, remembering something is top priority

80 At eighty, moving around is top priority

90 At ninety, knowing directions is top priority

100  At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!

Filed under: Buhay Sorsoganon, Jokes & Humor

Life Story of A Champion Manny Pacquiao

The Life Story of a Champion….
(A funny tribute to Manny Pacquiao)

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Manny Pacquiao was born
in General Santos City.

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At an early age ,
Manny is already showing
signs of athleticism.

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Manny came from a poor family.
So most of the time , he ‘ s on the street begging.

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Because of his determination , Manny was able to finish Elementary.

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Unfortunately because of poverty ,
he ‘ s not lucky enough to finish High School.

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At the age of 15 ,
he already showed his inclination
on different sports like….

Sumo Wrestling

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and Basketball

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However , sad to say Manny
failed on those sports…

That ‘ s why Manny became very depressed.

So depressed…

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Until Freddie Roach came to the rescue

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and the rest is history….

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At present , Manny holds the distinction of being
a seven time world champion in 7 different weight division.

Because of his popularity in the boxing world….
Manny became an International Celebrity.

He already made international
and local films like….

“Super Pac-Man”


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“Dragon Ball Z”

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“Saving Sergeant Pacquiao”

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“Star Wars”

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“Lord of the Rings”

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and “Twilight”

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Because of the success of Twilight
a local sequel was produced and
it was entitled….

“Toilet”

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Other Local Films made by Manny are….

“Machete”

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“Tora-Tora Bang-Bang”

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and the top grossing “Tao ba Ako Inay?”

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He also made top rating Teleserye like….

“Marimar”

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“Dyesebel”

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and “Meteor Rain”

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Because of Manny ‘ s popularity ,
his mother Aling Dionisia also
became an instant celebrity.

Just like Manny , Aling Dionisia
also made top rating Teleserye like…

“Rusaleynda”

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and “Katursi”

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Manny was not really happy about the
idea of his mother joining showbiz ,
because in short span of time
Aling Dionisia got involved
in various sex scandals like….

Careless Whisper Scandal

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and Web Cam Scandal

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Despite the intrigues ,
Manny is continuously receiving
medals and awards because of the
honor he has given to our country.

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For all of us…..he ‘ s a Hero!!!

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Actually , there ‘ s a proposal in Congress
to print Manny Pacquiao ‘ s face
in the Five Peso Bill.

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We can never tell….in the near future
because of Fame and Fortune ,
Manny Pacquiao could become
the next Philippine President.

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WOW! what a Cinderella story……
hahahaha…. it was so touching!

Definitely we are not laughing at Manny Pacquiao ,
neither we are laughing at Mommy Dionisia.
We are laughing at the pictures depicting both of them.

Who will laugh at Manny Pacquiao….

Our world stops every time he ‘ s on the ring ,
the crime rate goes down and you can feel the
unity among Filipinos.

He ‘ s an inspiration to all of us.

He ‘ s the best pound for pound boxer in world
right now and nobody can dispute that.

Just recently he gave another honor to our country
by becoming the cover of Time Magazine.

.

Last November 14 , Manny Pacquiao set
a new world record as the 1st boxer
to become a “Seven time Champion of the World”
in as many different weight divisions.

What a Feat!!!……..

GO! GO! GO! IDOL….
Please Share…

Stay Happy Friends…..

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, , , ,

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:

COMPANY NAME<>

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

This is to acknowledge that I have received the rejection letter that was posted to me on Monday of last week.

I gave your letter long and careful consideration. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept it at this moment.

You will understand, I am sure, that there are always a very large number of rejection letters circulations at the turn of the year when bonuses are paid. Furthermore, the current economic climate has increased the number of no vacancy slips sent out.

I myself appear to be a particularly popular in this regard, having this year received many rejection letters from extremely impressive companies.

Clearly, I am unable to accept all of them, so while I thank you for sending it to me, I regretfully inform you that I have to reject it.

Please do not take this personally. There was nothing at all wrong with your letter. But it does not coincide with my particular needs at this time.

In this regard, I will be starting work at your office on Monday morning of next week at 9am precisely.

I wish you every success in rejecting other candidates. Best of luck. See you on Monday.

Sincerely

<Your Name>

Filed under: Jokes & Humor

Sorsogon Bishop on Saintly Politicians

Oh Ha!

Nakakatuwa ang mga pahayag ni Sorsogon Bishop Arturo Bastes patungkol sa ” SAINTLY POLITICIANS”. Napapanahon na rin talaga na dapat ang mga mahahalal na mga leaders ng bayang magiliw natin ay yung talagang more like saint na talaga. Ano ibig sabihin nyan? Sa aking palagay, isa sa mga katauhan ng magiging halal na leader ng ating lipunan ay malaki dapat ang takot sa DIYOS. Dahil kung may takot nga sa Diyos si MAYOR, GOVERNOR, CONGRESSMAN at mga nasasakupan nila of course matatakot silang gumawa ng kasalanan. And of course, ang kasunod nyan mawawala na po ang graft and corruption sa ating lipunan!..diba?

I agree with Chiz statement “”there are no angels and saints in politics.” dahil lahat nga tayo makasalanan diba?. Oh ha.. bumato daw ang walang kasalan sabi ni Bro…BUT we can make a difference now. ehhh Paano? simple lang naman bayang magiliw! tayo po ay pumili ng mga leaders na maka-DIYOS, maka-TAO, maka-KALIKASAN. Wag na po tayong lumayo sa pambasang pagbabago. Simulan po natin sa ating bakuran ika nga..Nakikita ko po na ang 2010 ay isang magandang simula para sa ating bayan kung magiging wise talaga mga botante.

eto pa! masyado lang yatang malikot ang aking pagiisip. Na-imagine ko ang sinabi ni Bishop Arturo Bastes na kung mangyayari nga ang lahat ng eto..Narito ang mga sumusunod na mga PLATAPORMA DE GOBYERNO ng mga kakandidato ngayon!

Kunwari lang po eto ha!

1.) Pagtangal ng lahat ng mga bilanguan sa buong probinsya  ng Sorsogon.
– kasi nga dahil sa mga more like saints na ang ating mga leader and thru his/her encouragement sa ating  mga kababayan na gumawa ng tama..ehh unti-unti na ring mawawala ang mga kriminal sa ating lipunan. Ibig lang sabihin nyan wala na ring ikukulong at wala na ring silbi ang mga Jail. (possible  nga kaya? nkakagulat na imagination naman yata eto).

2.) Creating more jobs para sa mga Sorsoganon.
– Ibig sabihin na kapag ang lahat merong trabaho, meron din pong pagkaing maihahain sa ating hapag kainan. Kumpleto hah(may almusal, snacks, tanghalian, at snacks pa, hapunan at Midnight snacks din) di ba wala ng magugutom? isa sa mga root cause ng crimes kasi eh “GUTOM”..

3.) Wala ng graft n corruption.
– Dahil wala na ngang kurapsyon sa Gobyerno. Cguro naman mawawala na rin ang mga lubak-lubak na lansangan sa Sorsogon noh? at lahat cemented na mga kalsada kahit sa mga malalayong barangay pa..yeheyy!

4.) Green Sorsogon 2010.
– Masaganang ani sa taong 2010. Dahil iiwasan na tayo ng mga bagyo at baha..matutuwa na kasi sa atin si Bro at di na tayo bibigyan ng mga calamaties na ganyan..oh diba?

5.) Mabibigyan na ng pagkakataong makapag-aral ng libre ang ating mga kabataan.

O kayo bayang magiliw..ano po naiisip nyo?

Filed under: Concerned Sorsoganon, Education, Encouragement, Inspiration, Jokes & Humor, Politics, Sorsogon News Updates, , , ,

Why kids need parents!!

WHY KIDS NEED PARENTS!!

!

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, ,

Ang alamat kung bakit sinungaling ang mga lalaki..

Karpintero itong si Pedro at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang bahay sa tabi ng ilog. Sa lakas ng pagmamartilyo niya eh nalaglag ang martilyo niya sa ilog. Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya, “Tutulungan kita, Pedro” Sabay lundag sa ilog. Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold hammer, “Ito ba ang martilyo mo?”.. “Hindi po.” Lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer, “Ito ba?” “Hindi po.” Lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer, “Ito ba?” ” Opo!” Natuwa ang anghel. “Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa ‘yo na rin ang gold and silver hammer!”

Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Pedro sa ilog at kasama ang misis niya. Eh sa katangahan, nalaglag si misis sa ilog. Iyak si Pedro. Litaw si guardian angel. “Tutulungan kita.” Sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama si Diana Zubiri. “Ito ba ang misis mo?” Sagot si Pedro, “Opo!” Nagalit si anghel, “Sinungaling ka. Akala ko pa naman eh mabait ka.” Nag-reason-out si Pedro, “Sorry po, angel… kasi kapag sinabi kong ‘Hindi’, eh lulundag ka uli sa tubig at paglitaw mo eh kasama mo si Katrina Halili. At kapag sinabi ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko, eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na misis ko na ang kasama mo. At dahil sa kabaitan ko, eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Diana at Katrina. Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko kaya ang me tatlong asawa, kaya ‘Yes’ na lang ang sinagot ko nung una.”

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

Never give up, Never Backdown, Never lose faith – Face the GIANT

Its a great movie with inspirational message that made me think of my point of view as well. Am i facing that GIANT right now?

When your back is AGAINST the WALL…

When it seems there is NO WAY OUT….

You have to face your fears…..FACE THE GIANTS

PART-1

PART-2

PART-3

PART-4

PART-5

PART-6

PART-7

PART-8

PART-9

PART-10

PART-11

PART-12

Filed under: Arts and Literature, Baratilyo Updates, Buhay Sorsoganon, Campus Talk, Churches, Community Service Group, Concerned Sorsoganon, Encouragement, Expat Living in Sorsogon, Family, Friends and Society, Food and Drinks, Get Involved, Government, History, Hobbies and Recreation, Inspiration, Jokes & Humor, Kasangayahan 2009, Kumustahan, Kwentong OFW, Livelihood, Love, Courtship and Marriage, Mountaineering Groups, Promote Tourism, Public Service, Religion, Senior Citizen Assoc., Sorsoganon Everywhere, Sorsogon Expat's, sorsogon riders association, Sorsogon Student Awardee, Sports Center, Travel & Adventures, Travel and Lifestyle, What's Happening Here?, , ,

A Time to Laugh Out Loud

In fact, I felt a little  moody today for unknown reason(pressured i guess).When my friend have showed me this short video clip about the ” Cat betrayed his girlfriend”. I can’ t help it but to laugh out loud…It might be a good cure for moody person around you..hope so? Guys,watch it for yourself and enjoy!

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, ,

Lola Techie’s Dream Machine

Guys, i found this Lola real Tech Savvy..watch it for yourself…lol

huhh? facebook gaming pa!

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, , ,

ITS JOKE TIME!

The Top Ten Dumbest Things You’ve Ever Heard Anyone Say

An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?”
Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”

It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako
laughing stuff!”

In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ‘sigaw’ ay ‘shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa
Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”

While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented:
“Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh!”

My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of
nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”

My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”

Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’,
opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”

In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’
meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”

I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and
said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?”
(coke is it)

My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”

A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting:”Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame,
maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.'”

While watching “Apollo 13”, after she heard the line: “Houston, we have a problem.” My
ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston?”

My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng
‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”

We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the
definition of the types ofsponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So sheasked her grandma:
“Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”

Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”

I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”

One classmate in highschool said, “Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!” I corrected
him and said, “luminous!”Then he replied, “Oo nga pala, plural!”

Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao,
Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”

Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ‘storey’ o ‘floor’ ng
building?” Contestan: “PIP PLOR!”

An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag
nag-iisa ako, feeling ko’wala akongkasama'”

I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password
but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm ‘ROCKY’?”

I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”

An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”

I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He
suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”

My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay
natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah
ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”

When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, Igot a missed call!” My friend said,
“Anong sabi?”

>From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay
ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”

We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala,
brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.

A call center agent told a foreign customerregarding the changing of the due date ofher
credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”

A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?”

Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

During a shower party for my friend, the married women were giving tips on the do’s &
dont’s of sexual intercourse, when the bride asked: “Hindi ba kasama yung betlog sa
pinapasok?”

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

Pinoy ka talaga!

You might be interested to know if you’re doin these…that means pinoy ka talaga!







MANNERISM & PERSONALITY TRAITS
  1. You point with your lips
  2. You eat with your hand and have it down as a technique
  3. Your other piece of luggage is a “Balikbayan Box”
  4. You nod your head upwards to greet someone
  5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbows on your knees while you eat
  6. You use a rock to scrub yourself in the shower
  7. You kiss relatives on the cheek when you enter the room
  8. You’re standing next to eight big boxes at the airport
  9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants as “souvenirs”
  10. Your house has a distinctive aroma
  11. You smile for no reason
  12. You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly
  13. You go to department stores and try bargain with the price
  14. You scratch your head when you don’t know the answer
  15. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table
  16. You go bowling
  17. You play pusoy or mahjong
  18. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun
  19. You add an unwarranted ‘H’ to your name: Jhun, Bhoy, Rhon
  20. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say “Excuse, Excuse” when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
  21. Your middle name is your mom’s maiden name
  22. You like everything that is imported or ‘stateside’
  23. Your perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees
  24. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for events
  25. You always offer food to your visitors
  26. You put your arm on the other person’s shoulder if he or she is a close friend of yours
  27. You draw a rectangle in the air when asking for the bill, which never fails to baffle the restaurant staff
  28. You don’t sit on the bowl in public toilets, no matter what part of town or if your thighs ache like hell; and you flush the toilet with your feet
  29. You think ‘tuck out’ is the opposite of ‘tuck in’
  30. You tell everyone you meet where you studied and the intricacies of your family tree-just to show them you come from good stock – it never occurs to you that people may not have heard of your university or your clan’s last name
  31. You show up late for work and your excuse is ‘I forgot to on the alarm’ or better yet ‘traffic eh’
  32. You linger over the Tonite and Balita tabloids available at the Star Ferry, but quickly buy the Asian Wall Street Journal when other Filipinos start browsing
  33. Brushing your teeth after lunch in the office lavatory is an unbreakable habit, even if your colleagues can’t bear touching the taps after you’ve drooled and spat all over them
  34. Namedropping is your favorite sport when you meet up with new acquaintances from back home
  35. Toni Braxton, Basia and Swing Out Sister are your idea of party music, you hardly listen to anything else
  36. You sell Amway and Herbalife as sideline
  37. You fight noisily with Cathay Pacific check-in staff over the size of handcarried luggage-which could be anything from oversized suitcases to major appliances
  38. You underdeclare your income when you pay Phil tax, even if it’s peculiar that a consultant is paid little more than a domestic helper’s wages
  39. At Immigration, when they call out ‘Maria’, you and 46 other women stand up
  40. When they play ‘Anak’ anywhere, your chest swells with pride and say ‘that’s Filipino’
  41. You think taking a shower and taking a bath are the same thing
  42. You use shopping bags as garbage bags
  43. You use laundry detergent to wash your dishes
  44. You use print rags from an imported fashion magazine as cover of your textbooks and notebooks
  45. You enjoy watching Pinoy action films with the same plot: Hero and villain are mortal enemies. Hero’s family’s killed by villain. Hero seeks revenge. Hero meets bar girl with sad tale of past love. She comes from a poor family, that’s why she’s working in the bar. They fall in love. Villain kidnaps girl, threatens to kill her if hero won’t stop harassing him and his henchmen. Hero rescues girl, they run away. Chase goes on in a dilapidated car. Hero finally kills villain and police arrive. Hero and girl live happily ever after.

VOCABULARY:

  1. You say ‘for take out’ instead of ‘to go’ (‘take away’ for Singaporean)
  2. You ‘open’ and ‘close’ the lights
  3. You ask for ‘Colgate’ instead of toothpaste
  4. You ask for ‘pentel pen’ instead of a ballpen or pen
  5. You refer to refrigerator as ‘ref’, ‘Frigidare’, or “pridyider”
  6. You say ‘kodakan’ instead of take a picture
  7. You order ‘McDonalds’ instead of hamburger, which you pronounce ‘ham-boor-jer’
  8. You say ‘Ha?’ instead of ‘what?’
  9. You say ‘Hoy!’ to get someone’s attention
  10. You answer when someone yells ‘Hoy!’
  11. You turn around when you hear ‘pssst’
  12. You say ‘Cutex’ instead of nail polish
  13. You say ‘for a while’ instead of ‘Please hold’ on the telephone
  14. You say ‘he’ when you mean ‘she’ and vice versa
  15. Your sneeze sounds like ‘Ahh-ching’ instead of ‘Ahh-choo’
  16. You say ‘Aray’ instead of ‘ouch’
  17. You make acronyms for phrases: ‘OA’ = overacting, ‘DOM’ = dirty old man, and ‘TNT’ for… You know
  18. You say ‘aircon’ instead of ‘A/C’ or airconditioner
  19. You pronounce the ff. words: ‘Hippopo-TA-mus’, ‘com-FOR-table’, ‘Bro-CO-li’, and ‘Montgo-marry Ward’
  20. You say ‘brown-out’ instead of ‘black-out’
  21. You say ‘Ay’ or “Uy” instead of ‘oops’
  22. You start with ‘actually’ when you’re trying to explain something
  23. You say ‘comfort room’ instead of bathroom
  24. You pronounce ‘fax’ as the four letter word
  25. Ano’ and ‘di ba’ regularly slip out during conversations
  26. You say, ‘my girlfriend will fetch,’ when foreigners think fetching is for dogs
  27. You try hard to speak English and when you don’t know what to say next, you say ‘you know…’
  28. You change your accent according to the person you’re talking to
  29. When someone’s pregnant, you say ‘she’s on the way’
  30. You say ‘ayyss—!’ in kolehiyala accent to show any kind of extreme emotion – ‘ayyy, shheeettt, nag-split na sila? ‘ayysss, shheeettt talaga?
  31. When somebody gives you a compliment, instead of saying thank you, you say ‘hindi naman’

HOME FURNISHINGS

  1. You use ‘walis tambo’ and ‘walis ting-ting’ as opposed to a conventional broom
  2. You own a karaoke machine
  3. You own a piano that no one ever plays
  4. You have a portrait of the Last Supper hanging on your dining room wall
  5. You have a ‘tabo’ in your bathroom
  6. You have a rose garden
  7. Your house is cluttered with ‘burloloys’
  8. You display a big laughing Buddha for good luck
  9. You have a Santo Nino shrine in your living room
  10. You own a ‘barrel man’ (schwing!) from Baguio
  11. You have ‘parol’ displayed during the holidays
  12. You cover your living room furniture with bed sheets
  13. Your lampshades still have plastic covers on them
  14. You have plastic runners to cover your carpets
  15. You refer to VCR as ‘Betamax’ even if it’s a VHS
  16. You own a rice dispenser
  17. You own a turbo broiler
  18. You own a lamp with oil that drips down to the strings
  19. You have a giant wooden spoon and fork hanging in your dining room
  20. You own Capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats
  21. You have a pair of wooden tinikling dancers on your wall
  22. You have ‘Weapons of Moroland’ shield hanging on your living room wall
  23. Your wall to wall carpeting includes the ceiling
  24. You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps
  25. Your microwave, washer, TV, VCR, computer, printer, toaster and doorknobs are hidden under quilted covers
  26. You have the entire Apo Hiking Society collection, plus maybe some Tito Mina and Pops Fernandez thrown in
  27. There’s a pail in your bathroom, just in case there’s a water shortage or the toilet won’t flush
  28. You have fly swatter in your kitchen
  29. You have multiplex tapes
  30. You buy song hit mixes like “New Wave Disco Hits”

CLOTHING AND APPEARANCE

  1. There’s Angelique eyeliner and Johnson’s Baby Powder compacts lurking in your makeup drawer
  2. You use Perla soap on your face
  3. You have several pairs of ‘tsinelas’ at your doorstep
  4. You deliberately flaunt your pager and cellphone
  5. You find dried-up morsels or rice stuck to your shirt
  6. You check labels on clothes to see where it’s made
  7. You hang your clothes out to dry
  8. You’ve had the same bobbed hairstyle since high school
  9. You wear fake or original Tommy Hilfiger shirts in bold and shouting prints
  10. Your next goal is to buy Polo or Burberry’s bag
  11. Your ponytail ribbon covers half your head
  12. You wore kung fu shoes in high school
  13. You use an umbrella for a shade on hot summer days
  14. You play basketball in you chinellas (slippers)

AUTOMOBILES & DRIVING

  1. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune in reverse
  2. You have a rosary on your car rear view mirror
  3. Your car horn can make three or more different sounds
  4. You have those air fresheners in a bottle
  5. You own a Mercedes Benz and call it a ‘Chedeng’
  6. Your car has curb feelers on it
  7. You have a fake banana display attached to your car window
  8. You own a huge van conversion
  9. You do not try to avoid pedestrians
  10. A traffic cop says “your license expired eight years ago”
  11. A road sign that says “Dangerous curve, Death toll 19” causes you to make another accident
  12. For you a yellow light means ” go paster”
  13. A traffic cop is known to you as a “crocodile”
  14. You refer to a female driver as a “lesbian”
  15. You insist on fitting 8 people into a taxi, much to the distress of the driver, and say, ‘we’re making ‘kandong’

FAMILY & FRIENDS

  1. You were raised believing every Filipino was an aunt and uncle
  2. Your dad or uncle was in the Navy
  3. Your mom or sister is a Nurse
  4. You get smelling kisses from your grandma
  5. Your parents call each other mommy and daddy
  6. You know someone with a name that repeats itself, i.e. Jon-Jon, Len-Len, Jong-Jong, or Bing-Bing
  7. You have aunt & uncle named Baby, Girlie or Boy
  8. You know a veteran dynamite fisherman called “Lefty”
  9. You have a dog named whitie, blackie or bantay
  10. Your parents call each other ‘Mahal’ and they call you ‘Anak’ or by your wonderful Filipino nickname you’ve had all your life (Jang, Cici, Meng, Choy-Choy, etc) ….and you KNOW they’re mad at each other or at you when they use actual names

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, , ,

Awards para sa mga dakilang Asawa

asawang taga UK:  Honorable mention

1

asawang taga USA: Honorable mention

2

 

Honorable mention: POLAND

3

Third Place: GREECE

4

 

Second Place : SERBIA

5

 

Grand Prize: IRELAND

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Filed under: Jokes & Humor, ,

Le Cirque Restaurant Bill of President Gloria Arroyo

Mga kababayan silipin nga natin kung ano itong pinag iinitang mga kinain daw ni Pangulong Gloria sa Le Cirque New York at ang kanyang mga kasamahan. Since na may ambag naman tayo (as a taxpayer ) dapat lng sigurong makita natin kahit sa picture man lang ang mga pagkaing nararapat daw para sa ating mga honorable public servants. Ang bill ng entourage ni Gloria sa Le Cirque

Golden Osetra Caviar . Sa Tagalog, kumpol-kumpol na itlog ng isda. Rare daw ito. Malansa at lasang bagoong, sabi ng iba. Kulay itim lang to pero
ang lasa siguro nito ay kagaya din ng itlog ng galunggong, di kaya? Php13,720/order
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California Osetra Caviar . Kumpol-kumpol na itlog ng isda na mula sa California . Mas mura kesa sa Golden Osetra Caviar. P4,900/order
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Le Cirque Salad . Pinaghalo-halong mga gulay tulad ng lettuce (wag kayong jologs, hindi [let-us] ang pronunciation nyan, kundi [let-is] , okay?)
…sige na nga litsugas nalang… ano pa ba yan? er…sibuyas, balat ng sibuyas, sitaw, mayana, dahon ng gumamela, etc… P1,078 lang yan
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Le Cirque Lobster Salad . Merong lobster meat, pipino, avocado, kamatis, okra saka dahon ng sibuyas. P2,842 isang plato nyan
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Le Cirque Tuna . Syempre merong tuna dyan (na posibleng galing sa GenSan), orange, sesame seeds, wasabe ata yung green paste sa ilalim,
anim na pirasong halamang ligaw (dami dito samin nyang dahon na yan!) saka ilang patak na orange sauce. P1,029 naba yang apat na hiwang yan?
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Le Cirque Soft Shell Crab Tempura . Ngayon ko lang nalaman na meron palang crab na soft ang shell nya…ahihihihi…So ang ingredients dyan ay crab
saka harina tapos may kamote at ang paborito ni Popeye na spinach P1,078 /platter
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Le Cirque Spring Pea Soup . Mga pataning pinaikot at pinalamutak sa blender para maging soup. A.k.a. Etchas ng baby P1,176 isang bowl?
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Le Cirque Wild Burgundy Escargot . Pronounced as [es-kahr-goh] . Tandaan nyo yan para hindi kayo magmukhang enggot pag kumain kayo sa Le Cirque in the future, okay? Ang escargot ay kuhol. Madami nyan sa palayan kapag tag-ulan. Hmmm…sarap ng ginataang escargot! Kasama ng escargot dyan ay 2 munchkin donuts, makapuno, itlog ng isda saka ferns. Ito daw ang nagustuhan ni Senator Lapid dahil favorite nya ang kuhol. P1,421 grabeng mahal naman ng kuhol na yan!
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Le Cirque Torchon of Foie Gras . Ang foie gras ay atay ng bibe or gansa. Ang pagbigkas nito ay [fwah-grah] . Ang torchon naman ay isang paraan ng pagluto ng foei gras na kung saan ibinabalot ito sa isang tuwalya at niluluto sa mainit na likido tulad ng alak o tubig. P1,715 lang naman yan
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Paupiette of Black Cod . Ito’y manipis na piraso ng isda (black cod) na nirolyong parang shawarma at merong mga gulay sa gitna.
Paupiette is pronounced as [poh-pyet] . P2,401.00
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Le Cirque Halibut Poached in Cocunut Milk. Halibut is pronounced as [hal-uh-buht] . Ito ay isang uri ng isda. Ang price P1,960
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Dover Sole . Isa rin itong uri ng isda at ito rin ang pinakamahal sa main course na inorder ng ating mga public servant P3,675 wow na wow. Ano kaya ang lasa nyan, noh?
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Le Cirque Saddle of Lamb . Ano ba ang saddle sa Tagalog. Hmmm…part daw ng backbone and loins. Eh ano yung loins sa Tagalog? Tadyang o pigi? Ay basta tupa lang yan! P2,548 naman yan
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Krug Champagne . Sa sobrang sarap ng Krug, umorder sina Gloria ng labing-isang bote nito. Kulang-kulang Php 249,000 lang naman iyang 11 bottles na yan. Ilang ginbulag kaya ang mabibili sa Php 235k? Teka, downpayment na yan para sa isang kotse o bahay ah! Tsk…tsk…tsk… Sorry wala yung pix ng ibang entrees.

Philip Castro Valdez

Filed under: Food and Drinks, Jokes & Humor, Travel and Lifestyle

Funny commercials

Guys, i found this commercials very entertaining…relax po ngona kamo..enjoy and have a nice day ahead!

Mag-ahit para magmukha syang mahaba! commercial ng GILLETE

Super Bowl Commercials 2009

New Adidas Commercial 2009 collection funny Commercial

funny commercial

sus!

hayy…nahulog na ako sa upuan…

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na chicken joy?

Padalang jokes ng ating mga igan!

Para sa mga tanong nyo…eto na ang ilang kasagutan…

Tama ka sa iyong paglapit sa akin ukol sa iyong mga katanungan….datapwat hindi ako nakakasiguro salahat ng aking sagot, susubukan kong bigyang liwanag ang lahat ng iyong katanungan…

Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal nang bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ito ngunit walang makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Ang squidballs ba ay bayag ng pusit?
Ang squidballs ay hindi bayag ng pusit ngunit bayag ni Tiya Pusit.

2. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?
Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)

3. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?
Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

4. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?
Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila’y makatakas o ang tinatawag na “fire escape”.

5. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?
Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

6. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na chicken joy?
Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masaya kung kaya’t sila’y tinawag na chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa jolibee patayin ang manok upang maging ito ay maging masaya…ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi chicken joy kundi…mcchicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pc. chicken mcnuggets o tinatawag na “orgy” sa inggles)

7. Mayroon bang kahit isang langgam na mahilig sa maalat?
Alam na ba ninyo iyong patawa na “itlog maalat”? Nakagat ako minsan ng langgam…….

8. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day , 7 days a week , at 365 days a year. Bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit? Bakit?
Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 2 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

9. Bakit di mataas ang highway?
Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

10. Ba’t alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?
Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumutingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay “fly”-lipad, “over”-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan. Alam kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata, Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8 at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pangmayaman kaya’t huwag na kayong magpumilit mamilosopo…ako lang ang may karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na mayroon kayong sunroof, hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na “sense of humor”. Namamatay ng maaga ang palaging seryoso.

Sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng e-mail.

At lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na “ask a dumb question and you’ll get a dumb answer.”

maraming salamat

walang anuman.

Filed under: Jokes & Humor

paano kaya kung may facebook na noon pa?

paano kung may facebook na noon pa?

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Paano kaya kung may FACEBOOK na nung panahon ng KKK at Hen. AGUINALDO?

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

Dont take life too seriously Always find time to laugh!!

Dont take life too seriously Always find time to laugh!! relax ngon-a mga kabayan!!


Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

THE BEST POLICE CARS IN THE WORLD!!!!! ENJOY

German police car…Lamborgini. .gallardo. .max speed 320km/hr

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Japan…lancer Evo IX..max speed 280km/hr


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France .peugeot…sports gt

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spain .audi TT max speed 280km/hr

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england .porsche ……Do I have to tell the speed…

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Now for the Ultimate Police Car in the World !!!

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Max Speed not disclosed due to Security Reasons .))

Filed under: Jokes & Humor

Kwentuhan ni Pedro at Juan.

Kwentuhan ni Pedro at Juan.

Pedro: Pareng Juan dumating ka na pala mula sa Nigeria ? Anong pasalubong mo?

Juan: Pare may alak akong imported masarap ito. Mag-inom muna tayo. Natatandaan mo ba yung paborito kong sinaing na tulingan na niluluto mo na may kamias na tuyo, yun na lang ang ipulutan natin dahil para bang naglilihi ako sa pagkain na yon. Hayaan mo at ibibili naman kita ng litsong liempo at manok dahil yan ang paborito mo.

Pedro: Pare buti ka pa ay nakakabili ka nitong alak na ito napakatapang at masarap inumin at masarap na pulutan. Ito ba paborito ni pareng Erap yung Blue L……

Juan: Yan nga yon pare!…hehehe. Wag kang maiinggit kung makabili man ako nyan dahil matagal naman kong pinag-iipunan yan para marami akong maiuwing pasalubong. Sya nga pala may pasalubong akong sabon at tsokolate para kay Mare at kay Junior mo.

Pedro: Pare kamusta na ang trabaho mo doon.

Juan: OK, naman pare.

Pedro: Ayon sa balita eh…total ban for travel na raw yung mga pabalik doon sa lugar nyo dahil magulo raw doon at may mga kidnapping na nagaganap. Totoo ba yon?

Juan: Pare totoo na may gulo doon pero di sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuhan namin kung may gulo doon ay parang nasa Manila at Mindanao ang layu namin doon sa gulo. At kung nasa hot area ka parang nasa General Santos City at Sulu ang layo mo. So safe pa rin kami doon.

Pedro: Ganun ba? Ay bakit may pinatutupad na total ban papuntang Nigeria ?

Juan: Alam mo pare, yung mga nakaupo sa gobyerno na nagpapatupad ng batas ay walang alam kung ano ang tunay na nangyayari sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuhan namin. Kaya naman ni hindi nga sila nakakatuntong sa Nigeria kaya kung mag-desisyon sila ay ganun na lang.

Pedro: Pero ayon sa balita ay talamak daw sa kidnapping doon kaya pinatupad ang total ban sa dahilang nalalagay daw sa peligro yung mga kababayan natin?

Juan: Pare kapag ikaw ay nakatuntong ng Nigeria ay maiintindihan mo ang buhay sa West Africa di lang sa Nigeria . Tulad ng kidnapping na yan…. Alam mo ba na kung sa Nigeria ka ma-kidnap ay ititira ka pa sa Hotel at bibigyan ng babae ng mga kidnapper?

Pedro: Totoo ba yon pare? Hehehe… di ako makapaniwala sayo….

Juan: Tototo yon pare…hehehe. Tanungin mo yung mga mga Bitoy na nakidnap…hehehe…..

Pedro: Ikaw talaga pare niloloko mo ako…hehehehe

Juan: Ganito yan pare, may klasipikasyon ang mga kidnappers sa kanilang mga biktima. Depende yan sa Grade mo…. Grade A, B, C, at D. Kapag Grade A ka ikaw ay maaaring Bitoy, Kano or Frances or empleyado ng mga oil giants sa Nigeria kaya ang accommodation mo ay Hotel, may masarap na pagkain at baka bigyan ka pa ng tagamasahe ng likod mo habang hinihintay mo na tubusin ka ng kumpanya mo.

Pedro: Ano naman yung Grade B….?

Juan: Yan naman ang mga empleyado ng mga international company na maganda ang bayad sa mga kidnappers kung baga pumapangalawa sa magandang magbayad na Grade A.

Pedro: Eh, ano naman ang Grade C at D kidnap Victims?

Juan: Yan pare ang matindi….hehehe

Pedro: Bakit pare? Ano ang ibig mong sabihin?

Juan: Yan yung mga third country nationals tulad natin, pana, Indonesians, Pakistan at thailander…at mga kuripot na kumpanya ng mga koreano, italiano at frances . Yan yung mga kuripot magbayad… kaya hindi masyadong tinatarget yan ng mga kidnappers…. Dahil kakaunti ang kinikita nila… kapag minamalas malas ka ay baka pagboksingin pa kayong mga victims kung matagal kayong tubusin….hehehe

Pedro: Anong ibig mong sabihin na pag-boksingin? Mukhang ngayon ko lang maririnig yan ah… at wala sa dyaryo yan ah…hehehe

Juan: Yan yung sinasabi ng mga OFW na taga Nigeria …hehehe… kinakailangan ay dala mo ang dibdib mo at itlog mong panlaban sa pitpitan…hehehe…kasing tapang daw ni Boggie at hindi katulad ni Bitoy….hehehe

Pedro: Ikaw talaga pare…binibitin mo ako sa istorya mo…hahaha. Ano ba yong boksing.

Juan: Yan pare, halimbawa kung sakaling apat ang kidnap victims, yung dalawa doon ay magboboksing… yung dalawa naman ay parang corner man yon…. Kapag tumama ng suntok yung isa sa kalaban nya may equivalent na sampiga sa mukha naman yung corner man nung boksingerong tinamaan ng suntok.. alam mo ba kung sino ang sumasampiga?

Pedro: Sino?

Juan: Eh di yung kidnapper?

Pedro: Pare, totoo ba yon? Mukhang ginugoodtime mo lang ako?hehehe… baka naman gawa-gawa mo lang yung istorya mo? Hehehe

Juan: Ikaw talaga pare? Kaya nga dapat kapag pumunta ka sa Nigeria ay dala mo ang bayag mo…hehehe

Pedro: Talagang hindi ako makapaniwala sa kwento mo….

Juan: Talagang ganyan pare… hindi mo nga ako paniniwalaan dahil sila ngang mga nagpapatupad ng ban ay hindi maniwala sa amin na safe kami sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuhan namin sa Nigeria …. Ikaw pa kaya….hehehe siguro kung makakarating ka sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuhan namin ay malalaman mo na hindi lahat ng lugar sa Nigeria ay magulo. Maiintindihan mo sana na kung bakit nagagalit ang mga OFW na kasamahan namin doon.

Pedro: Pare tignan mo naman dalawangput apat yung nakidnap na seaman at yung isang huli ay taga-land base pa… eh kung ako ang nasa gobyerno ay baka ganyan din ang gawin ko….ipatupad ang ban to travel to Nigeria .

Juan: Ganito yan pare…dito sa Pilipinas kapag nakidnap at nagbayad na ang pamilya mo ay malamang ay baka patayin ka pa…. itanong mo sa mga intsik na kakilala mo kung hindi totoo ang sinasabi ko….sa Nigeria kapag nakidnap ay siguradong pakakawalan ka kapag nagbayad ang kumpanya mo…yung dalawangput apat na nakidnap na seaman ay European base company yan at mga walang security escort yan na katulad ng sa amin ditto sa land base kaya masyadong nasensationalise yan…pero nasaan ba sila? Di ba’t nakauwi na…. kung sa Pilipinas nakidnap yan eh baka pinugutan pa ng ulo yang mga mahal nating mga kasama sa hanapbuhay…katulad sa Sulu… Mabuti na lang at hindi rin nagpapalabas ng ban to travel ang Nigerian government sa Pilipinas….hehehe…. Bakit nga ba?hehehe alam mo ba kung bakit? Wala tayong oil fields na katulad nila at wala pa silang mga engineers at techinician na katulad ng mga pinoy na ipapadala sa pinas… nakakatawa nga eh…hehehe… pilipinas lang ang nag-issue ng ban to travel to Nigeria…hehehe… mga bugok pala…hehehe… akala ko’y pagkatapos ng edsa ay mga agila na uupo dyan sa Mala…..gobyerno natin….hik..hik… lasing na ata ako pare…mga langaw pala….hehehe… siyanga pala yung huling nakidnap ay gusto nang bumalik non…sayang baka 3k hanggang 30k per day ang nawawala sa kanya….hik…hik..

Pedro: Ganun ba?????

Juan: Alam mo pare…hik…hik.. lasing na ata ako ha…hehehe…Sa Nigeria….kahit moral support lang ang manggaling sa embahada ay ok na at siguradong makakalaya ng buhay ang biktima… dito sa atin kapag biktima ka ay baka maubos ang pera ng pamilya mo at baka patay ka pa. Sa Nigeria kumpanya ang nagbabayad… ditto sa atin pamilya natin ang nagbabayad…hik…. So sino ang mas kawawa… yung mga nakidnap sa Pilipinas o yung mga nakidnap sa Nigeria ….hehehe..hik

Pedro: Anong tulong naman ang nakukuha nyo sa embahada sa Nigeria ….hik .? Mukhang lasing na rin ata ako pare…hehehe hik..

Juan: Pare…lasing na ako….hehehe… Moral support lang pare…moral support lang….hehehe…. Wala namang pondo yan sila eh..heheh hik….. yung pondo… eh pina-aapruban pa sa Pilipinas kaya matagal pa bago dumating…hehehe…hik…tulad ng pambili ng tiket sa para…hik..hik..hik …sa repatriation…hik

Pedro: Pare lasing na rin ako…hehehe….hik…hik…marami pa akong…itatanong sayo kaso gusto ko nang matulog…hehehe…

Juan: OK….hik..hik.. bukas na lang ulit tayo mag-inom..hahaha…hik… tamang-tama si pareng Erap ay nadyan na…hehehe..hik…hik… akitin nating mag-inom…hik…hik….sa susunod …may Blue L….. pa ako….pag-ubos na ito ay inom naman tayo ng lambanog..hehehe…masarap talaga itong tulingan…..hehehe..hik..hik…

Juan at Pedro: Ibong mang may layang lumipad♪♫♪ kulungin mo at umiiyak…♪♫♪ hik…hik…

 source: friend online

Filed under: Jokes & Humor

aber daw Joke 101 ngona kita

Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister:
Guni-guni!

***
Guro:        Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan:         Di ko po kilala.
Guro:        Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe:        Di ko rin po kilala..
Guro:        Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro:       Ma’m, baka po sa kabilang section sya!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. … I LOVE YOU!
Wife:      Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!


***
B
aliw (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello… may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator:  Wala po, bakit?
Baliw:
Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
 

***
Misis:
  Lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto.
Timing (dumaan ang mister nya….)
Misis:
 Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister:
Yoko sayo…kamukha mo misis ko!

***
American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American:        Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro:             Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimmingPaul.



***
Biyaya na makukuha sa Gulay:
AMPALAYA –  pampapula ng dugo
KALABASA –  pampalinaw ng mata
TALONG –  pampatirik ng mata
MANI –  pampatirik ng TALONG. Ay! nalito na ako.

 
***
Quote for the Day…
Ang Buhay ay parang bato…it’s Hard.

 
***
Prospective Employer to Applicant: ‘So why did you leave your previous job?’
Applicant: ‘ The company relocated and they did not tell me where!’


***
Juan:          Birthday ng asawa ko…
Pedro:        Ano regalo mo?
Juan:          Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro:        Ano naman sinabi?
Juan:          Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro:        Ano binigay mo?
Juan:          Baraha.

***
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi siya mababastos?
SAGOT:   ‘Uhm, excuse me, miss…Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?’

***
Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan, milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!

***
Nanay:        Ano ‘tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak :        Hindi po ‘yan zero, ‘Nay.. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang ‘yan, ‘Nay, promise!

***
Mga sikat na salawikain:
Better late than pregnant.
Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
Aanhin pa ang damo….kabayo ba ako?
Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Ang lalaking nagigipit, sa bakla kumakapit.    

***
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang …
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!

***
Husband:

***
Pedro:        Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
Ambo:        Pare, Mga chismax lang ‘yun galing sa mga chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila…. chura nila! hmpf!

***
Boy:        Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl:        Bakit?!
Boy:        Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl:        Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy:        Yun nga eh…gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

***
Juan:          San ka galing?
Pedro:        Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan:          E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro:        Mahirap ilibing eh… Lumalaban!!

***
Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo….dito lang ako… dito lang talaga ako…tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako.

Filed under: Jokes & Humor,

LAUGH your heart out!!….This is good for your heart!!

Erap to Cardinal:  Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin.  This
is unfair.
Cardinal:  Why did you say that?
Erap:  Mayroong Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de
RAMOS.  Bakit ako wala??? Eh, I was also a President.
Cardinal (after a careful thought):  OK, from now on, yours is ASS
Wednesday!

============ ====

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai
delas Alas as partner, saying, “Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang
partner mo.”

Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, “Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?”

St. Peter:  “Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.”

============ ========= =

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap?  Wristband.

Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos?  Broadband.

Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

============ ========= ========

Pari nagmimisa: sino sa inyo ang may kagalit??
Taass kamay lahat pwera sa isang matandang babae
Pari: si lola lang ang walang kagalit… ano edad nyo lola??
Lola: 93 anyos.
Pari: tingnan nyo si lola.. 93 na pero walang kagalit!! Lola bakit wala kayong kagalit???
Lola: PATAY na ang mga WALANGHIYA!! !

============ ========= =====

Anak: tay penge pera, bili ako ng sucherya!!!
Tatay: umayos ka nga!!! kakahiya ka!! baka may makarinig. hindi
sucherya tawag dun…
Anak: ano po??
Tatay: JUMPFUDS!!!

============ ========= =====

JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!

============ ========= ======

A mental patient singing while lying in a hospital bed, after a song
dumapa siya.
The nurse asked: O bakit ka bumaliktad??
He answered:  Adik ka ba??? Side B na kaya!!!

============ ========= =====

Job interview

Boss: Why should we hire you?
Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.
Boss: English please.
Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I’m brand new so I’m not yet horny!

============ ========= =====
Pinoy coping mechanism at work!
A: Magkano po ang tinola?
M: 20 lang.
A: May sabaw?
M: Libre na ang sabaw namin.
A: Kanin, meron?
M: 5 lang.
A: May tutong?
M: Libre na.
A: Sige manong, tutong at sabaw nga!

============ ========= ========= =

Great signs!
1. Gynecologist – Dr. Chua at your cervix..
2. Septic tank truck – Yesterday’s meals on wheels.
3. Plumber’s office – We repair what your husband fixed.
4. Tire shop – Invite us to your next blowout.
5. Electrical shop – Let us remove your shorts.
6. Maternity room door – Push, push, push!
7. Optometrist’ s clinic – If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
you’ve come to the right place.

============ ========= ========= ====

Inspirational quote that we must always remember:

kung kaya ng iba…

pagawa mo sa kanila…

dont force yourself.. make your life easy!!!
============ ========= ========= =====

Three reasons why laughing is good for your health:

1. Your heart – laughing lowers your blood pressure while increasing
the amount of oxygen carried in your blood.

2. Your lungs – a deep belly laugh is like an internal aerobic workout,
helping you breath more efficiently.

3. Your anxiety level – laughing lowers levels of the stress hormone
cortisol, reducing tension. So take time to laugh even at the corniest
joke

so don’t be shy— LAUGH your heart out!!….

Filed under: Jokes & Humor, ,

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