The Top Ten Dumbest Things You’ve Ever Heard Anyone Say
An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?”
Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”
It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako
laughing stuff!”
In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ‘sigaw’ ay ‘shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa
Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented:
“Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh!”
My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of
nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”
Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’,
opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’
meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and
said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?”
(coke is it)
My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting:”Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame,
maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.'”
While watching “Apollo 13”, after she heard the line: “Houston, we have a problem.” My
ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston?”
My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng
‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the
definition of the types ofsponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So sheasked her grandma:
“Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”
Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”
I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
One classmate in highschool said, “Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!” I corrected
him and said, “luminous!”Then he replied, “Oo nga pala, plural!”
Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao,
Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ‘storey’ o ‘floor’ ng
building?” Contestan: “PIP PLOR!”
An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag
nag-iisa ako, feeling ko’wala akongkasama'”
I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password
but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm ‘ROCKY’?”
I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He
suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay
natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah
ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”
When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, Igot a missed call!” My friend said,
“Anong sabi?”
>From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay
ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”
We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala,
brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
A call center agent told a foreign customerregarding the changing of the due date ofher
credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?”
Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.
During a shower party for my friend, the married women were giving tips on the do’s &
dont’s of sexual intercourse, when the bride asked: “Hindi ba kasama yung betlog sa
pinapasok?”
Filed under: Jokes & Humor, ITS JOKE TIME!
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